TMI, continued

(as I'm putting on a pair latex gloves to express a dog's anal sacs, by far one of my least favorite tasks, the male owner chimes in....)

"Don't worry there Scooter, this is gonna hurt me more than it'll hurt you. The urologist just did the same thing to me."

(....and even though I wanted the conversation to end there, my super observant and very helpful nurse Lauren had to follow with a correction...)

"Actually sir, humans don't have anal sacs."

(....which led to why I wasn't hungry for lunch today: )

"Oh I know, it was just my prostate. But he put on the gloves and did the same thing that you're doing there. It's a little big...my prostate that is."

another pet peeve

I'm not sure which is worse. The client that answers their cell phone and talks during their pet's office visit, or the client that decides to be "considerate" by not answering their phone, but allows it to continue ringing.

After five minutes (the person kept calling back), I had to finally tell the client to take the call. How in the hell does the constant ringing NOT bother them??

Oh, THAT one!?

"What brand of cat food do you feed Flaky here?"

"We feed him the BEST cat food on the market, the BEST there is."

"Ok, which one is it?"

"The best one, you know, the one that's a brown kibble. It comes in a big tub. Don't you know what the best food out there is called??"

"Sorry ma'am, there's a lot of pretty good foods at the store, and I don't particularly think one is the absolute best."

"But it's the only one that's a brown kibble!"

umm, no.

"So how are your pups Hershey and Squirts doing today, any vomit, diarrhea or other problems?"

"Oh thank goodness no, they're doing great, they just need their shots. But I have diarrhea, all of the time actually. I had to have my colon removed. But you probably didn't want to hear that."

So who owns who?

"Now, I need you to use these eye drops three times a day to help treat Goopy's eye infection."

"I'm not sure doc, would twice a day be ok? He has to sleep in until noon every day, otherwise he's a grumpy puppy for the rest of the day."

"Well, you could still apply the eye drops three times a day, just do it when he wakes up, sometime later in the afternoon, and again late at night before you go to bed."

"No, you don't understand, he goes back to bed at 6pm. I won't be able to give him the eye drops after that."


(Note: for all of the vets our there reading this - no, he doesn't have a medical reason for his "low" energy level. He doesn't actually have "low" energy and doesn't need to sleep that much. It's really the owner that sleeps that much, not her dog.)

Can you hear me now?

I'm sorry, but no. If you called our office from your cell phone, it's not our signal that's the bad one. And I'm not stepping outside of the office just to see if the connection is more clear.