tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6050191097881278302024-03-05T09:32:39.612-05:00So I have this dog....veterinary medicine may be perilous to my mental healthsoihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.comBlogger57125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-76673619322407486732013-07-18T13:02:00.000-04:002013-07-18T13:08:40.961-04:00I couldn't pass this one upOk, so I know I haven't posted in, well, close to forever. But my recent [short] conversation with a client couldn't go unpublished. So here goes...<br />
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Me: I see Rascal hasn't gotten a Leptospirosis vaccine before. Lepto is a bacteria that can cause severe liver and kidney disease. It should be considered for most dogs since you just never know, but it's especially important for dogs that swim or drink from water that could be contaminated by wildlife. Does Rascal get into water much?<br />
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Owner: Well, he goes swimming in the ocean a lot. Is that considered water?soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-53135585065054767112012-11-14T12:04:00.000-05:002012-11-14T12:04:00.159-05:00Making muffinsA sweet older client of mine came in with one of her cats for his annual exam. Things were going rather smoothly and routine until near the end of the visit when I reached over to give Crabby his Rabies vaccine while he was precariously close to his mom.<br />
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"Hey now, make sure you don't poke that thing into one of my breasts!! No seriously, they're fake and I was told they could rupture any minute. I got these back in the early days when they just put silicone under your skin. They're a little bigger than I wanted so now I'm always worried that something will happen to one of them. Heck, even when the cats go to make muffins on me in bed I worry their claws will pop them just like that, <b>BANG</b>!! I can see that you think I'm joking, but I'm not."soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-37277842829897392912012-11-13T11:55:00.001-05:002012-11-13T11:55:43.604-05:00Mexican food has the same effect on me..."So what brand of food do you buy for Fluffy?"<br />
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"I think it's called Nitro."<br />
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"Wow, that's pretty explosive stuff."<br />
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"I'm sorry, I don't understand. Is there something wrong with it?"<br />
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"What? Oh, no no, I was just joking. You see, the name is actually......ummm, nevermind." <br />
<br />
<i>(sigh...) </i><br />
<br />soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-85954509193528270682012-08-27T17:56:00.001-04:002012-08-27T17:56:22.808-04:00TMI, continued<i>(as I'm putting on a pair latex gloves to express a dog's anal sacs, by far one of my least favorite tasks, the male owner chimes in....)</i><br />
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"Don't worry there Scooter, this is gonna hurt me more than it'll hurt you. The urologist just did the same thing to me."<br />
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<i>(....and even though I wanted the conversation to end there, my super observant and very helpful nurse Lauren had to follow with a correction...)</i><br />
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"Actually sir, humans don't have anal sacs."<br />
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<i>(....which led to why I wasn't hungry for lunch today: )</i><br />
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"Oh I know, it was just my prostate. But he put on the gloves and did the same thing that you're doing there. It's a little big...my prostate that is."soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-75740725845883440582012-08-24T11:22:00.000-04:002012-08-25T23:50:04.663-04:00another pet peeveI'm not sure which is worse. The client that answers their cell phone and talks during their pet's office visit, or the client that decides to be "considerate" by not answering their phone, but allows it to continue ringing.<br />
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After five minutes (the person kept calling back), I had to finally tell the client to take the call. How in the hell does the constant ringing NOT bother them??soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-17196082299495141422012-08-23T09:27:00.004-04:002012-08-23T09:27:39.942-04:00Oh, THAT one!?"What brand of cat food do you feed Flaky here?"<br />
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"We feed him the BEST cat food on the market, the BEST there is."<br />
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"Ok, which one is it?"<br />
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"The best one, you know, the one that's a brown kibble. It comes in a big tub. Don't <i>you</i> know what the best food out there is called??"<br />
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"Sorry ma'am, there's a lot of pretty good foods at the store, and I don't particularly think one is the absolute best."<br />
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"But it's the only one that's a brown kibble!"soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-14435957599904765822012-08-21T15:06:00.000-04:002012-08-21T15:06:17.013-04:00umm, no."So how are your pups Hershey and Squirts doing today, any vomit, diarrhea or other problems?"<br />
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"Oh thank goodness no, they're doing great, they just need their shots. But I have diarrhea, all of the time actually. I had to have my colon removed. But you probably didn't want to hear that."soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-82903322332501001812012-08-16T12:30:00.001-04:002012-08-16T12:35:04.534-04:00So who owns who?"Now, I need you to use these eye drops three times a day to help treat Goopy's eye infection."<br />
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"I'm not sure doc, would twice a day be ok? He has to sleep in until noon every day, otherwise he's a grumpy puppy for the rest of the day."<br />
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"Well, you could still apply the eye drops three times a day, just do it when he wakes up, sometime later in the afternoon, and again late at night before you go to bed."<br />
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"No, you don't understand, he goes back to bed at 6pm. I won't be able to give him the eye drops after that."<br />
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(Note: for all of the vets our there reading this - no, he doesn't have a medical reason for his "low" energy level. He doesn't actually have "low" energy and doesn't need to sleep that much. It's really the owner that sleeps that much, not her dog.)soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-87483619975639540082012-08-13T13:49:00.000-04:002012-08-13T22:11:35.492-04:00Can you hear me now?I'm sorry, but no. If you called our office from your cell phone, it's not <i>our</i> signal that's the bad one. And I'm not stepping outside of the office just to see if the connection is more clear. soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-76241308691211685842012-07-13T14:24:00.003-04:002012-07-13T14:25:39.894-04:00Just sayin'.A little Friday afternoon advice for you. If your dog appears to be uncomfortable, he's standing with a "hunched" posture and his tail is tucked down between his legs, FORCING him to swim in the backyard pool as "hydrotherapy" and then applying compresses to a random place on his back (alternating between cold and hot) several times over a few hours, isn't really the recommended course of action.<br />
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"And why compresses at this location on his back, do you think he injured that area?"<br />
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"I don't know, I don't think so. It just seemed the right place to do it."soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-90706022077925257962012-06-05T22:11:00.001-04:002012-06-05T22:18:05.722-04:00Like a lobster?"I was wondering if you could check out this thing on Missy's eyelid, it looks like some sort of crustacean or something similar."<br />
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"Wait, it looks like a what?"<br />
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"A crustacean. You know, like a scab."soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-4074131341505424122012-04-19T14:21:00.004-04:002012-04-19T14:32:57.951-04:00should've seen it coming..."Thanks for squeezing us in this morning doc, April at the front desk said you guys were swamped. Hank here had really bad diarrhea this morning and I didn't want to have to wait until this afternoon."<br /><br />"No sweat, I wouldn't want to wait very long with an Old English Sheepdog having diarrhea all over the place either, especially with all of it sticking to that long hair. What time did all of this start?"<br /><br />"Oh, about 10 days ago."soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-50981775691850406482012-04-09T09:33:00.005-04:002012-04-09T10:51:39.050-04:00been busySorry I've let this blog slip, I've been swamped! Not only has work been busy, my wife and I had our first child less than a year ago. Some of our "hobbies" definitely took a back seat to all of our other priorities. I realize that I never really posted super often or anything, but I'll definitely try to get back into the swing of things. I really need to give mad props to those of you that have full times jobs, multiple children, several pets AND still post on your blogs regularly! There are not enough hours in the day!soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-68748123343565995752012-04-09T09:29:00.002-04:002012-04-09T09:31:36.231-04:00The day after Easter..."Could you check out the bumps on Speedy's back, my wife and I are REALLY worried they could be cancer, especially since he's a boxer and all."<br /><br />"Of course, no problem. How long have the bumps been there?"<br /><br />"Probably since February, maybe longer."soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-33171270237115344222011-09-02T16:52:00.007-04:002011-09-03T11:18:55.522-04:00definition of the dayIf you were to look up "high-maintenance" in a Veterinary Medical dictionary, you'd see a picture of the client that has called me 8 times today about their healthy puppy. I don't mind answering questions and all, and the puppy <span style="font-style:italic;">is</span> pretty damn cute. But seriously, spend a few minutes/hours/days/weeks gathering all of your questions together and only <span style="font-style:italic;">then</span> call me. Or simply get a different hobby, because calling me this many times in one day is not working for me.
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<br />Edit: Sept. 3rd at 9:00am and I've already had another phone call. Don't forget that this puppy is healthy. This last phone call was to ask how I thought the puppy liked the treat I offered during the exam. Seriously? <span style="font-style:italic;">(grumble grumble)</span> soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-31771476090802428902011-08-02T21:16:00.004-04:002011-08-02T21:32:11.425-04:00Wait, huh?Me: "So does Dudley eat things he's not supposed to?"<br /><br />Mrs. Mechanic: "Oh gosh yes! He eats everything like they're lug nuts. Come to think of it, he did eat a lug nut once."soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-47950915869318699902011-07-18T14:04:00.002-04:002011-07-18T14:17:58.777-04:00At some point......I'd really like to start a list of the Top 10 ways to really piss off your vet (or at least really annoy the hell out of them). Whenever I get around to it, me thinks this one should be on there:<br /><br />Being late for an appointment is annoying, but too common to make the list on its own. But walking in 30 minutes late for your appointment on a busy Monday morning (packed full with one or two emergencies on top of my regular scheduled program) with an extra dog because you'd really like to have BOTH of them "checked out", is a sure fire way to get on my bad side. <br /><br />Oh and complaining about the wait isn't going to make me get to you any faster.soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-37309394413116014942011-07-15T18:30:00.005-04:002011-07-18T14:23:37.314-04:00I told you so...One of our clients recently called and asked for a refill of an NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug). Not an uncommon request, many dogs (and people) are on one of the multitude of NSAIDs on the market for some type of pain or inflammation (usually arthritis). And the dog <span style="font-style:italic;">is</span> a 15yr old Shih Tzu, so I'd fathom a guess that he probably has some arthritis and could benefit from it. Thing is, we've never prescribed anything to Fluff for arthritis . Oh he did get an NSAID from us once, but only a short course of something for post-op pain after a tumor excision....3 years ago. Regardless, the owner hadn't brought Fluff in for a full physical exam since that surgery was performed in 2008. Sure, the occasional "check ears", but nothing comprehensive and certainly nothing related to arthritis. <br /><br />When I called the owner, I inquired if there was a reason for the sudden need for pain medicine. <br /><br />"No, just the usual old age stiffness. In fact, just the other day he somehow got wedged behind the couch. He was limping pretty bad afterwards, his arthritis was really acting up from being stuck there for so long."<br /><br />It's surprising how many acutely painful dogs are self-diagnosed by their owners with arthritis, or better yet hip dysplasia.<br /><br />I politely explained that, although Fluff is fifteen and I have no doubt he would benefit from an NSAID, he really needed to be examined before we could dispense anything. And besides, we've never actually prescribed anything to him for arthritis before, so I definitely can't "refill" anything. <br /><br />Wow, you'd think I'd just asked her to solve our current debt crisis. The extreme shock! How could I possibly ask such a long-time client to bring in her dog for something as benign as arthritis medicine?? "Do you know how difficult it is for me to come all the way down there?" <br /><br />Interestingly, the owner is a family practitioner. But that's not the best part. She admitted on the phone to being completely against routine physical exams, thinks they're a terrible waste of time. She actually dissuades her patients from coming in unless they're sick. I didn't catch all of her reasoning, something about the cost of medical care, unnecessary tests being performed, too much doctors' time being wasted on healthy patients and not sick ones, blah, blah, blah. I guess the idea of preventative medicine is completely lost on her. <br /><br />In the end I won out, she finally agreed to an appointment. Not because she agreed with me that Fluff needed an exam. Nope. She scheduled something because "finding a new vet was too much work, and they'd require a 'first visit' exam anyway, so why not just go to the place that has all of Fluff's records... what an incredible inconvenience you're causing!!". I <span style="font-style:italic;">think</span> she was upset with me.<br /><br />Turns out Fluff had a deep laceration on the medial (inside) aspect of one of his thighs that had become badly infected causing a significant amount of painful cellulitis surrounding the area. He wasn't limping from arthritis, he was limping because her owner (a medical doctor who disagrees with routine exams) had completely and utterly failed him. I admittedly expect a little more from my clients that are medical professionals, but this thing was huge. It's a sad and scary thing when a human physician misses something so blazingly obvious. Actually she didn't miss it, she just didn't care enough to look (which is even more sad and scary). I wouldn't allow her to examine my philodendron.<br /><br />I hated seeing Fluff painful and sick, but it's a great thing knowing that he'll be fine all because you held your ground. Oh, and telling the owner <span style="font-style:italic;">told you so</span> was icing on the cake.soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-20599703302841630972011-07-08T10:16:00.001-04:002011-07-08T10:17:54.744-04:00qoute of the dayOverheard in the lobby:<br /><br />Client #1: "Are your dogs friendly?"<br /><br />Client #2: "Oh yes, a little too friendly. In fact they're borderline slutty."soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-79436878806522693042011-05-10T21:08:00.000-04:002011-05-10T21:34:34.013-04:00Sounds reasonable..."Hi, I was wondering what you all would charge to neuter my dog? The hospital down the road was pretty damn expensive, I think they must charge more for bigger balls."soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-62438257404779790062011-04-29T17:18:00.002-04:002011-04-29T17:21:50.615-04:00Simple math"We've got a real problem here doc, Frisky's eating less food and we're worried about her. She usually eats one 5.5 ounce can of cat food throughout the day. Now I can barely get two 3.5 ounce cans in her. I know it sounds weird, you'd think it was more food, but they really do pack more food in those larger cans. What should we do?"<br /><br />(I'm really not making this up...)soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-46921286122435597292011-04-07T13:19:00.003-04:002011-04-07T13:29:18.571-04:00Today's phone callCaller: "Hi, I read on the internet that veterinarians are trained to examine tick bites better than human doctors, so I was wondering if I could schedule an appointment?"<br /><br />Debbie: "Sure, what's your pet's name?"<br /><br />Caller: "No, not for our dog. The appointment is for my wife."<br /><br />Debbie: "Wait, I'm sorry. You want to schedule an appointment for your wife to be examined by a vet?"<br /><br />Caller: "Exactly."<br /><br />Debbie: "Sir, you are really going to have to call <span style="font-style:italic;">your</span> doctor. We can't schedule appointments for humans."<br /><br />Caller: "Well that doesn't make sense." <span style="font-style:italic;">hangs up</span>soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-22461052734528120352011-03-24T22:49:00.004-04:002011-03-24T23:28:09.597-04:00crappy dayNo one wants to tell a client their dog has cancer. That's one of the worst conversations ever.<br /><br />Last week a patient of mine was diagnosed with splenic hemangiosarcoma. He had surgery and is currently undergoing chemo at a referral practice. <br /><br />Today I had to tell that same client that the rads of their other dog's chest revealed metastatic cancer throughout the lung fields (I'm unsure where the primary tumor is). You can imagine how that conversation went. <br /><br />Damnit. <br /><br />Sadly, this isn't the first time I've had to give bad news to a client about both of their dogs in such a short time. The last time though, it was in the same day. A couple of years after graduating vet school I saw a great client of mine and her two dogs for routine annual exams. The only complaint she had was that one of them had been coughing occasionally for the past few weeks, so I ordered some chest rads while I examined her other dog. Upon opening the mouth I found a rather large ulcerated mass that ended up being an oral melanoma. About the time I started talking to the client about the oral mass though, the rads from the first dog came up. She had a very large pulmonary mass. <span style="font-style:italic;">(The cough worsened quickly over the next few weeks and she was euthanized after developing secondary pneumonia. The other dog had a hemimaxillectomy to remove the oral melanoma; she lived another 2-3 years.)</span><br /><br />And then we're expected to somehow walk into the next exam room with a big smile and act like we're excited to see Mrs. Bee's new Bichon. Any other day I would be, just not today. Sorry, it's nothing personal.soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-37594499177449137552011-03-21T22:54:00.002-04:002011-03-21T23:01:37.707-04:00Could be. It IS quite contagious...."So what's wrong with Squinty's eyes today?"<br /><br />"I don't know doc, they're extremely red and goopy, and he's been at them all day, rubbin' on the carpet and such. Do you think it could be that 'Dog Eye' that's been going around?"soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-605019109788127830.post-8464012722757175982011-03-15T23:01:00.002-04:002011-03-15T23:06:16.165-04:00A bindi dot?"So, I really don't want to bring Fluffy all the way down there for an office visit [<span style="font-style:italic;">aka - I don't want to pay for an office visit</span>] if it's nothing, so I was wondering if you could tell me over the phone what this little black dot on her skin is? At first I thought it was a tick, but now I think it's just an age spot. What do you think?"soihavethisdoghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02723193436045891496noreply@blogger.com2