umm....

Me: So all I saw on the cytology of the mass on your dog's toe were red blood cells. We may need to do a biopsy to get a better idea of what it is.

Owner: Does that require anesthesia?

4yr old son of the owner: I have red blood cells in my penis!!!



Come on, can you possibly blame me for laughing?

yes, I assumed. sue me

My very aggressive last patient of the day came in a second time to attempt cystocentesis to collect urine for culture. We tried earlier this week, obviously without success. I was ready with the sedation, but the owner had a muzzle ready and wanted me to try without the sleepy drugs first. Ok. Turns out that it was a good thing, because after unsuccessfully getting urine on a standing, aggressive, male dog (surprise), I had a brief window between growls when I could actually palpate the abdomen. Empty bladder. So yes, I didn't actually ask the owner if she let the dog outside when she got home from work, or whether or not she walked the dog around the parking lot before coming into the hospital for her appointment (she did both). I did the worst thing ever and actually assumed that she would be intelligent enough to know that we NEEDED urine in the bladder for us to successfully collect it, especially since she was told on several occasions to not walk him before coming in, and also because we've already attempted once this week and the owner complained about having to come in a second time. Sigh.

"You mean I have to come in a third time? No one told me he couldn't pee before he came in!"