I couldn't pass this one up

Ok, so I know I haven't posted in, well, close to forever. But my recent [short] conversation with a client couldn't go unpublished. So here goes...

Me: I see Rascal hasn't gotten a Leptospirosis vaccine before. Lepto is a bacteria that can cause severe liver and kidney disease. It should be considered for most dogs since you just never know, but it's especially important for dogs that swim or drink from water that could be contaminated by wildlife. Does Rascal get into water much?

Owner: Well, he goes swimming in the ocean a lot. Is that considered water?

Making muffins

A sweet older client of mine came in with one of her cats for his annual exam. Things were going rather smoothly and routine until near the end of the visit when I reached over to give Crabby his Rabies vaccine while he was precariously close to his mom.

"Hey now, make sure you don't poke that thing into one of my breasts!! No seriously, they're fake and I was told they could rupture any minute. I got these back in the early days when they just put silicone under your skin. They're a little bigger than I wanted so now I'm always worried that something will happen to one of them. Heck, even when the cats go to make muffins on me in bed I worry their claws will pop them just like that, BANG!! I can see that you think I'm joking, but I'm not."

Mexican food has the same effect on me...

"So what brand of food do you buy for Fluffy?"

"I think it's called Nitro."

"Wow, that's pretty explosive stuff."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand. Is there something wrong with it?"

"What? Oh, no no, I was just joking. You see, the name is actually......ummm, nevermind."

(sigh...)  

TMI, continued

(as I'm putting on a pair latex gloves to express a dog's anal sacs, by far one of my least favorite tasks, the male owner chimes in....)

"Don't worry there Scooter, this is gonna hurt me more than it'll hurt you. The urologist just did the same thing to me."

(....and even though I wanted the conversation to end there, my super observant and very helpful nurse Lauren had to follow with a correction...)

"Actually sir, humans don't have anal sacs."

(....which led to why I wasn't hungry for lunch today: )

"Oh I know, it was just my prostate. But he put on the gloves and did the same thing that you're doing there. It's a little big...my prostate that is."

another pet peeve

I'm not sure which is worse. The client that answers their cell phone and talks during their pet's office visit, or the client that decides to be "considerate" by not answering their phone, but allows it to continue ringing.

After five minutes (the person kept calling back), I had to finally tell the client to take the call. How in the hell does the constant ringing NOT bother them??

Oh, THAT one!?

"What brand of cat food do you feed Flaky here?"

"We feed him the BEST cat food on the market, the BEST there is."

"Ok, which one is it?"

"The best one, you know, the one that's a brown kibble. It comes in a big tub. Don't you know what the best food out there is called??"

"Sorry ma'am, there's a lot of pretty good foods at the store, and I don't particularly think one is the absolute best."

"But it's the only one that's a brown kibble!"

umm, no.

"So how are your pups Hershey and Squirts doing today, any vomit, diarrhea or other problems?"

"Oh thank goodness no, they're doing great, they just need their shots. But I have diarrhea, all of the time actually. I had to have my colon removed. But you probably didn't want to hear that."